How to find what broke with a client, supplier or partner, without telling yourself they are busy

01·Where you are now

A client who used to come in regularly stopped coming and never said why. A supplier who used to reply within the hour now replies after three days. A partner talks to you only about what has to be dealt with.

Could the explanation you give yourself be part of the problem? “They are busy, they are like that, it has passed.” It is comfortable, and it is almost always wrong, because it describes the person instead of describing what happened between the two of you.

And it costs you: “most of the conflicts we have landed in over a lifetime were caused by our failure to handle an upset with another person properly.” Not a deep disagreement: a small moment that went unhandled, and accumulated.

And as long as you do nothing, the break does not stay where it is. Every break that is not closed makes the next relationship dearer, not only the one that broke.

02·Who's talking to you: Axel Jedlitschka

I decided to go and talk to the owner of the place

On the phone I learned to sell, and to take a “no”. And when I decided to end the physical work, I decided to go and talk to the owner of the place, and tell her I would help her get through the holiday period, and that after that I was done.

That is why I am against silence: “the absence of communication is not a neutral state. It is an action, and it has a result.” When something breaks, nobody announces it. They simply stop.

Axel Jedlitschka

04·There is a way

The three corners of every relationship

Every relationship stands on three things: affinity, meaning how much you like each other; reality, meaning what you agree on; and communication, meaning what actually passes between the two. The booklet calls each of them a corner. When something breaks, one corner was cut. And the moment you know which one, the repair is far shorter than it looks.

1. 01The map.For every person whose relationship matters to the business, rate the three corners. The lowest corner in each row is the one that needs work.
2. 02Break or load.Has something broken, or are they simply flooded? Look for evidence: a change in tempo against a change in the amount of work they are carrying.
3. 03Which corner.Three questions: was something cut in affinity, in reality or in communication? It is a guess, not a conclusion. The other side is the one who knows.
4. 04The conversation.Open with a sentence they are certain to agree with, ask “Did I say or do something that cut your communication?”, and then be quiet and let them correct you. Do not explain why it happened.

One corner that falls drags the other two down with it, like a spiral. And “fortunately the spiral works in both directions.” Raise one corner, and the other two come up with it.

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